This December has been rough. Noir left us on December 8th. Much as I have tried, I couldn't find enough Christmas spirit to even think about decorating a tree or shopping for presents. On Wednesday I came home from work to find that Jim had set up a tree and put lights on it.
Later that afternoon Noir's ashes were brought to us and placed in the urn we had purchased. Obviously a very sad afternoon for me, to hold the urn and feel the weight of it, knowing this was how Noir would be with us for the rest of our lives.Christmas day came and Jim and I spent it at his son's house with his grandson and his son's mom. It was enjoyable, and the nice part for me was Bailey, the son's golden retriever kept coming to me, licking my face and sitting with me. I think she knew I was upset, and was trying to comfort me. Bailey was Noir's first friend when we adopted her, so perhaps she knew her friend was gone. Sometimes I think dogs can sense everything. Maybe she was just thanking me for the toy I brought her. My only Christmas shopping was for her and Casey.
Late in the evening back at home, I remembered my Christmas tradition.
I turned off all the lights except for the tree and carefully took Noir's urn off the mantle and set it on the floor beneath the tree. I laid down on the floor and talked to Noir and wept for a long time. I told her I was ok, that I missed her terribly, but wanted her to run along to the Rainbow Bridge and play with the other dogs, especially Spock and Floyd, and that someday I would come for her and we would be together again. I think I even napped a little, comforted that I could feel her love and feel that she heard me.
Merry Christmas, Noir. You'll always be in my heart.
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